


Meaning

by paxton1976



Series: Metamorphosis [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Kiss, Lack of confidence, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexuality, self-realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 15:58:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8539252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paxton1976/pseuds/paxton1976
Summary: Yuuri has no idea what his Eros is and has no idea how to find it.  Viktor's nighttime visit helps him work out and delve deeper into his sexuality.“Tell me, Yuri, what happens when you feel these things you can't describe?”  He held Yuuri's chin firmly as he could feel him turn away.  His eyes dropped to the man's lips before slowly dragging them up to meet dark brown eyes again.“Um..My heart beats faster.  My hands get sweaty.  My mind goes blank. I can't think, I can't breathe.  Especially when you are this close to me,” he admitted.  “Do you know what that's called?” Viktor asked. Yuuri shook his head.  “Physical attraction.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> This idea popped into my head last night. I've been in a really rough place the past couple weeks, but especially this week. I needed something light and beautiful to work on. Yuuri and Viktor are the perfect aesthetic. 
> 
> The Russian major in me cannot bring myself to spell Viktor's name incorrectly, so I've kept it authentic Russian. 
> 
> Eros is part of The Four Loves. They are as follows:
> 
> 1) Storge: Familial love  
> 2) Philia: Friendly love  
> 3) Eros: Erotic/Sexual/Pleasurable love  
> 4) Agape: Unconditional/Selfless love
> 
> It is based upon Greek philosophy and mythology. Most thinkers agree that Eros is the hardest to grasp and define for oneself, so Yuri definitely had his work cut out for him. 
> 
> This is the first installment in a series. I hope you enjoy and subscribe to stay updated.
> 
> ~Pax

 

You can follow me on tumblr [here](http://paxohana.tumblr.com). Stay up to date on latest chapters, story progress, if you have an idea, or just want to give a shout out! You guys are what drives me, and I so appreciate every one of you.

 

 

 

Eros.

Baffled didn't even describe his present state.

It had been almost a week since Viktor had thrust this dilemma on him. Viktor had Yurio and him listen to the musical accompaniment he paired with the program he devised. He informed them there were two parts to this choreography, antithesis to the other. Yuuri closed his eyes as the beginning notes floated over him. He felt he could relate to this movement. It was sweet, innocent, undemanding. He wanted to perform this program, knew he could do it justice. He waited as the next part of the song played. He couldn't quite grasp the emotion of this piece. Sure, it was beautiful but felt completely foreign to him. He listened as Yurio demanded to take on the second piece. Viktor placed a finger to his lips and narrowed his eyes, appearing deep in thought. His eyes flew open and he pointed to the two dramatically.

“Yurio, you will perform Agape! Yuuri, Eros is for you! You need to surprise the audience. Do the exact opposite of what they expect,” Viktor declared. Yuuri felt his jaw drop and the wind rush out of him. Him? Sexual love? He didn't even know where to begin. He absently kicked at the ice with his toe pick. His coach wanted him to discover his Eros and quickly. The man was eager to learn of Yuuri's alluring side.

He rolled on to his back and stared at the ceiling. How was he to find out? He had never really been attracted to anyone. There were a few girls in college that were persistent but he managed to push them away. He thought everyone perceived him as weak and inept. So he kept to himself, never taking risks. Even though skating had been his only passion as long as he could remember, he remained out of the limelight.

His brow wrinkled as he thought harder, trying to remember any time in his life when he felt the slightest inkling of attraction. He startled at the faint knocking on the door. He sat up, pulling the sheet up to cover his exposed chest.

“Who is it?” he asked.

“It's Viktor. Can we talk?” the voice on the other side inquired.

His eyes widened in surprise. The man wasn't known for his subtlety. He would usually barge in and overpower Yuuri with his presence alone. Why was he suddenly asking for permission?

“Um, sure. The door is unlocked,” he replied. Viktor entered the room moments later and let his eyes adjust to the soft light. His gaze settled on Yuuri and he smiled softly. He gestured to the end of the bed.

“May I?” Yuuri clutched the sheet tighter against his chest and nodded. Viktor gently sat on the mattress. His fingertips touched together, creating a steeple. He looked down at his hands and drew a deep breath.

“You're having a difficult time with this,” he observed. He looked to the other man. Yuuri dropped his head and sighed.

“I've just never thought about the possibility of, you know..,” he said as he began to blush furiously.

“No, Yuuri, I don't,” he stated. Yuuri sighed, trying to think of how to describe this innermost thought to his coach.

“People see me as inferior. I've never had many friends. I didn't want to be a burden to them, so I didn't connect with anyone. I always thought of myself never experiencing that part of life so I didn't really think about it,” he revealed. He lifted his head and looked to Viktor. The Russian had a finger on his lips, indicating he was deep in thought.

“Have you never been attracted to anyone before? I'm willing to bet there was a girl or two who struck your fancy?”

The younger man shook his head.

“No, not that I can remember. There were a few in college that tried to flirt with me, but I didn't feel anything. I pretty much pushed them away.”

“Hmm. Then tell me about what you like. It doesn't have to be a person. What are you most passionate about in life? And no, katsudon does not count,” he asked, chuckling as he watched Yuuri's cheeks redden.

“Well, I would have to say skating. It's the only way I can truly express what I feel. The music just flows through me. My body becomes grace. I don't know how to describe it any better.”

“I completely understand. But why skating? There are so many other things you could do. Didn't you start out in ballet? Why did you make the transition?”

“Minako-sensei suggested I try it. I really enjoyed ballet and picked it up quickly. She's a great teacher.”

“Don't sell yourself short. A student has to be exceptional to be able to pour their everything into a routine like you do. She just gave you the structure. You made it grow and bloom into something beautiful. But you didn't answer my question.”

Viktor was surprised at the faint blush tinging the man's cheeks. Yuuri began to wring his hands. He turned his head to look out the window. Viktor watched Yuuri's adam's apple bob as he swallowed nervously.

“Yuuri?” He jerked his head back to his coach.

“Yuko and I took a beginner's class together at the chalet. In between classes and free skating we would watch the competitions on TV. I loved to watch you skate. You were so graceful. Watching you perform was like watching the emotion unfold on a wave and then soar into the sky. I wanted to be just like you. So I kept practicing. Constantly. When I became a little better, I started copying your programs. Well, that you know,” he muttered. Viktor chuckled.

“Yeah, that's what brought me here. Did you really have a dog named after me?” He laughed as a look of mortification appeared on Yuuri's face.

“Who told you that?” Yuuri stammered.

“A little bird. But we're getting off track. Close your eyes. Think about the passion of skating. The music entwining through your soul, your movements fluid as you feel the smooth glide of metal on the ice. The emotion of the piece and choreography flowing through you. What do you think of when you feel like this?”

“You said I couldn't use katsudon. That's usually what I thought of when I skated really well.”

“Let's try something different then. The video of you skating my routine. That is the best I have seen you. You pulled at everyone's heart, you surprised them. What were you thinking of then?” Viktor asked, leaning forward slightly as Yuuri concentrated.

“I was thinking of an outlet. I needed to clear my mind. I didn't make the qualifier, I was sent home. I didn't know what I was going to do with my life,” Yuuri said sullenly.

“Bullshit. If that is what was on your mind, there would have been so many mistakes. That was pure beauty, Yuuri. Why?” Viktor pushed.

Viktor weaving delicately over the ice filled his mind's eye. The flowing movements of his body seemed so natural. It filled Yuuri with joy, with ease, with happiness. If he could copy his idol, he could feel a sense of accomplishment. It boosted his non-existent confidence. He could feel the heat on his cheeks. Viktor smirked when he saw the furious blush appear on Yuuri's face.

“You don't have to be embarrassed, Yuuri. I'm here to help you, not judge you.”

“I would think of you. You're so beautiful when you skate. You're so passionate. If I could claim an ounce of that passion, I would be content,” Yuuri refused to meet Viktor's startled stare after his confession. Viktor slid closer to Yuuri and placed a finger under the the young man's chin, tilting his head up.

“Yuuri, what do you feel about me?” Viktor asked softly. He gazed into the man's wide, brown eyes.

“Well, I think you are nice. And fun. You are patient..”

“No, what do you FEEL about me. I didn't say think. Use your heart,” Viktor interrupted.

'I..um..well...um,” Yuuri took a shaky breath before continuing, “You're larger than life. You make me feel things I can't describe. I want to do everything I can to make you proud of me. You make me feel overjoyed.”

Viktor smiled sweetly at the man. He brushed the backs of his fingers along Yuuri's cheek, the corners of his mouth upturning when the young man shuddered.

“Tell me, Yuuri, what happens when you feel these things you can't describe?” He held Yuuri's chin firmly as he could feel him turn away. His eyes dropped to the man's lips before slowly dragging them up to meet dark brown eyes again.

“Um..My heart beats faster. My hands get sweaty. My mind goes blank. I can't think, I can't breathe. Especially when you're this close to me,” he admitted.

“Do you know what that's called?” Viktor asked. The young man shook his head.

“Physical attraction.”

Yuuri's eyes widened further as his lips parted slightly. This is what attraction was? He had thought it was anxiety because Viktor was everything he wasn't. He gulped when Viktor nudged his lower lip down further with a finger.

“Yuuri, your Eros is begging to fly free,” Viktor whispered before lowering his lips to the younger man's.

Yuuri suddenly felt weightless. His entire being was concentrated on the soft lips moving against his. He was frozen, not believing this was happening. Viktor was his idol. Weren't idols unattainable? He gasped lightly when he felt Viktor's tongue trace his lower lip. That was all the invitation the he needed. He ran his tongue along Yuuri's teeth, savoring his flavor. He smiled against Yuuri's lips before pulling back.

“Maybe I was wrong,” Viktor teased.

Cerulean eyes widened as hands were thrust into his hair and lips crashed against his. The kiss was hungry, the pressure bruising. He tilted his head and opened his lips slightly to deepen the kiss. Yuuri invaded his mouth without finesse. Viktor knew this was all new to the young man so he let him set the pace. He pulled Yuuri into his lap, situating his legs to either side of him. He wrapped his arms around Yuuri's waist and gathered him closer. Yuuri cupped Viktor's cheeks, moaning against his lips. Lips glided against each other, hands danced across exposed skin. Viktor lightly thrust his hips, prodding Yuuri with his bound erection.

The young man pulled away from him slightly. Viktor could tell he was extremely nervous. He traced his hand lightly up and down the man's back. Yuuri placed his hands on the other man's shoulders and rested his forehead against the other.

“I'm sorry. I-I don't know what came over me. It won't happen again,” he confessed. Viktor lifted Yuuri's head and brushed his lips against the young man's.

“I hope it does. My Eros is for you, Yuuri. If you'll let me I'd like to help you find and embrace yours,” he said. He gently lifted Yuuri off his lap and guided him to lie on his back. Viktor hovered over him, watching as his eyes darted nervously around the room. He pressed a kiss to the tip of Yuuri's nose.

“I want you to figure out exactly what Eros means to you. You know you have it now. Refine it. Make it yours. If you need any help, I'll be there to help you understand and explore.”

Viktor rose from the mattress, stretched and headed to the door. Yuuri sat up slightly, a look of utter confusion on his face.

“Viktor?”

The man turned to look to his student. His lack of confidence had returned. He thought he had done something wrong.

“You are beauty. Before we take this farther, you need to know what you feel. Sleep well, Yuuri.”

He placed a hand on the knob and turned it. Rusty hinges creaked as the door opened slightly.

“Viktor?”

The man turned, and hummed in acknowledgment. The sight before him was heavenly. The sheet had fallen into Yuuri's lap. His lips were bruised, cheeks flushed, hair tousled.

“Thank you, Viktor. Good night.”

He nodded and entered the hallway, closing the door behind him.


End file.
